if I f*cked up at my job

If I screwed up my job, my investments could last me 7 years, without a job. My cpf can sustain my house payments for 11 years.

This is something that gives me peace of mind every night, knowing that my job is not my everything.

New house

I moved to my new place at Bedok, a 4NG high floor flat on 20 June. 

I was actually looking forward to moving in, but after the actual move, I immediately regrets it. The tons of boxes (to be exact, 55 boxes) to unpack and re-arrange.

I am two days in, with my hubby, we have unpacked most, leaving 10ish boxes. 

Home is looking abit like home.

Just now, when I was getting ready to go buy dinner, one of my dogs (got 2 dogs) peed so much urine in the living room to the kitchen. I lost it, and beat the crap out of it. Had to clean up by hand....

Looks like I just need to be ready, to clean up pee and poo for this week...

Quitting

Recently the idea of quitting crept into my mind, occupying my mind every now and then.

I have even went to look at the job websites to see what kind of job I may want to pursue.

Each time I did this, a lot of negative thoughts would drown me. Why? I looked at the job description, I felt like I did not possess any of the skills that employers are looking for. Data science, computing, etc.

I also know myself, i have tried insurance (1yr), writing (2 yr), call centre (0.5yr) and current job (11yr+). I can't sell myself. 

So each time after browsing the jobs, feeling very dejected, I would reflect what is so bad about my current job.

Direct boss is good, colleagues are good. Has upcoming major projects that would need me to do till 2023. Having the ability to work from home. Able to afford my current lifestyle because of my pay. Staff is so so.

Compared to my 11+ years, this year is not the worst. I had worse years in 2015, 2017, 2018 and last year. I was very close to throwing my resignation letter, but I pulled back because I do not want to repeat the mistake I made when I resigned in 2007 amid the financial crisis. Now we are in post pandemic times and a looming depression ahead.

Even if i could find a new job, i may not find the good people, colleagues i have. 

One reason I felt like quitting, is the dread I felt towards my work. Nothing excites me and I find myself dragging myself to work. It also affected my personal life as I cant stop thinking or worrying about my work. It is either my job or my sanity.

I will give myself another 2 years, meanyime I will try to learn new skills.