Let go

Crying daily. Feel his absence still.

Dunno how to move on.

Tried to bury myself in work, but it can only distract me. After work and when I am alone, the mind wonder back the past. 

Realised not much happy memories since covid. Cooped up in sg because of covid. 

When he was around, i find myself wanting to escape my home. Overwhelmed by work....

Now he is not around, i still find myself wanting to escape my home. Because reminds me of him.

Everyday I feel like throwing in resignation letter. Too tired. Need a break...to ponder what do I want to do with my life.

2 more months and i can rest. Have a scheduled surgery on 6 Dec. Will be on mc after that.

Take one day at a time. Take one thing at a time.

Things that I wish to do in 2023

1) Bring my mum on a cruise - had wanted to do it together with him.

2) Go Ipoh, genting

3) Hong kong - cheung island

Go relaxing areas - her heart not good

3rd week driving own car

I have been practising driving every sat with my sister.

Today tried the usual parking - still dont have the confidence to park between 2 cars. 

Ventured out abit more to the spc gas station to add oil.

This is an accomplishment given I have zero confidence just 3 weeks ago. Being 23rd day since his passing. 

Had a strange dream last night. Somehow with the help of a deity (长命老爷爷), he appeared before me and my mum. But he avoided me and I was told by the deity to breathe my breath into his shadow. But he still avoided me. 

In the end, was pissed and was told by someone he is doing so cos he misses me. But i was vexed, and said that if he misses me, we need to treasure the time we had.

Woke up 7am. Haiz it was all a dream.