Reflective happiness

I just watched a YouTuber talk about happiness. Travelling only increase experienced happiness. It only last a short while, a more lasting happiness is reflective happiness. Doing things or learning things that give you a deep seated happiness.

Two more months and I will be 'free'.

I realized travelling is not really my dream. Like going to other countries touristy areas, with all the people, worries about toilet, it does not give me the true happiness or at peace feeling. I like less crowded place where I could quietly sit down and eat/drink something. I don't think I will be travelling overseas much. 

I like to walk, so I hope this is something I could do every day. I like to see the skies at dawn and evening. Music - still not sure if guqin is my cup of tea...cos I don't like to video myself. Erhu and ghzueng - will continue.

Will stop guqin after I used up my lesson package. Shall take a break.

Other pursuits - volunteer or do part time healthcare.

Luxury bags

I remembered starting to watch luxury youtubers around end of last year. I consumed youtube videos day in day out.

Why? I guessed it is something different from the usual crime, mukbang, finance videos. The luxury bag videos don't need much thinking.

I have a favourite one. I was nearly going to buy a lv onthego (2nd hand) on my japan trip. It was retailing in sg for 4500, japan one was selling around 2400ish.

Phew, luckily i stopped myself from buying. Instead i bought a marc jacob medium canvas tote bag for around 280sgd. It was from the cash that i have left. 

So it has been around 2 months since using the bag. I realised the bag is quite heavy, if i intend to walk, i would prefer not to take the bag. This was after i took the bag to explore lavender. Super regret - my shoulder was aching from carrying the bag.

Another con was the bag is bulky, others could easily knock into my bag, incredible. 

So i decided to use back my 10 bucks bag that is small and compact, yet able to hold all my essentials.

Another con, whenever i wear the bag crossbody, the handles would get in the way. Annoying - it would graze my arm....

So anyway i realised luxury isnt for me, the things they rave about the bag - the bag need babying, repairs costs, maintainance. A hassle. What for i spend thousands to buy such troubles.

Then i noticed recently the luxury youtubers are selling their bags and changing content. I could understand cos it is not sustainable for them to buy ever increasing high priced bags.

Quick calculation of cash equivalent

Later going out with Geoky to north point to explore.

Shaved doggies today. Tmr then bathe them. Today want to be lazy.

I did a quick calculation, at end July, I would buy another 3 lots of OCBC = 3*14.4=43k. This would increase my investment to 510k. Then with my 30k cash, I would have 540k.

This is what I have achieved working 18 years. A good ending if I were to die.

Although the dividends would not reach 2k, I would try track my spending from Aug to gauge how much I really need. Now, it is still quite hard.

No more shopping from Aug onwards. This would be challenging but I am trying to curb my urges.

Searching for blogs on semi retirement

There are definitely doubts on whether I could retire or semi-retire. So when I had them, I would try googling but I don't find much information in sg content.

I think is mainly that FIRE or barista FIRE is not so prevalent in sg still.

For myself, when I do find some bloggers that had made it, I felt very discouraged because most of them have more than 1 mil cash/investment excluding CPF.

I only have half of theirs which made me insecure. I wonder how they could accumulate a million bucks when I did the same. Was it because they all bought US shares while I am focused on sg stocks....

Anyway, I console myself - if things didn't work out, I can always go back to work or I can rent out a room or two. These are my backup plans. So I needn't have to worry even if I have less.

I am only feeding myself and two elderly dogs. Take things slowly bah. You don't know how long you have left.

I also have a friend who sort of retired cos she quit her job to go travel and study overseas, and she rents out her 3-room flat for 2.8k. if she could do it, so can I.

Semi retirement

With my low expenses of 1.8k a month, my investment of 550k should generate around 22k dividends a year that would feed me.

Plus when I semi-retired, I could save money cooking my own food. 

Plus music to keep my mind engaged. Plus some flexible hour part time job.

Remember to spend more time with family.

How you live everyday

Yesterday I came across a youtube video, talking about FIRE. 

One thing that struck me, was the person saying not to have a to-do list that traps you, just like your job.

He said to leave free time for spontaneity, which he said would depend on what he feels like doing on that day. Hmm later i should go do up an excel.

Why i am quitting?

Reaons to remind myself why I am quitting.

Everyday in my job, every little thing will trigger a full range of emotions.

Small things, big things, shit stuff - all will trigger me in some way or another.

I want to remain calm but my inner will ruminate over things many times over, each time it takes days to settle before the cycle repeats. 

This is why I am leaving. I have enough of the corporate world, and intend to go do lesser stress manual work.

I looked like shit, my black panda eyes, my health taking a toll, my life feels empty, all these cuminated to a breaking point. Glad whatever shat will end this July. 10 more weeks.

Wish me luck on this journey.

Obsessed

As I started to count down the weeks left in my job, I found myself pouring over my finances from a weekly look, to daily. Also because I have time on hand. 

I bought 2 more lots of OCBC at 14.36 a share. Actually I was a little apprehensive because I had been wanting to buy OCBC in march, but I didn't and the price shot up from 13++ to 14++. Missed my chance so instead of waiting longer, decided to take the plunge.

I had been obsessing about the dividends - calculating whether my dividends could cover my monthly expenses of 1800 a month. If my stocks paid out the same dividends as last year, it would. But because they didn't, and I believe the economy might crumble, I decided to buy OCBC to fill this gap.

Need another 2 more lots of OCBC, will target to buy in Aug.

他

昨晚，我梦见老公，和Mary cheong (那时她走的时候，老公说她是去了佛界）来探望巫婆（我妈）.他们谈话谈的很开心。希望这不代表些什么，可能他们两个最近有来看看她。

过后，我梦见祖师他上了一个印度青年身上，然后他告诉我（用华语），我老公已经修炼到他们（大神）一半的功夫。过后，他就离开了。

然后我又梦见男人婆（我姐）要带我去一个地方玩。我就赶紧把家里（一个陌生的家🏠，很像poly quarters但又不是，房间不像）的窗户关起来。看到莉莉小白在家里喝着水。

可能祖师是要我安心，他在一个很好的地方。自己要努力活着。总有一天会再见面。我自己也要修身，修心。才能有这么一天。要不然，我何德何能，到天界见到他呢。

Popmart

Today went to Joo chiat guan yin temple with Geoky. She wanted to ask if she should quit her job. The qian told her to stay put. She had some issues at work. 

After we gave our thanks, hopped back bus 33 to kembagan mrt then to pay lebar.

We ate lunch at Carl jr, yakiniku pork burger. The onion fries were good. 

Walked around to digest the food, then came across a popmart machine. Geoky decided to go for the Mickey mouse one while I went for the Chinese instrument one. Well I got a blue haired gal. Not bad looking. 15.90 each.

Then we went popular cos I want to buy some markers. Then she saw got some discounted china popmart. She decided to buy 1 and she got the teapot one. 

Then we went home cos it was one plus and we had to buy lunch back for mum. Today is mother's day so bought her chix rice and soya pudding.

Went home. Initially wanted to go run, but my period suddenly got some pain. And the skies were cloudy. So I drew a tiger xiaobai and going to play my erhu later.

Now watching YouTube 

Ocbc

Loading up more OCBC. Mainly for the dividends aspects.

After my FD matures, will buy another 2 lots.

Bought vaccuum

After dabao-ed lunch for the 3 of us, i went bedok mall xiaomi shop to see if can buy a vaccuum for mum.

It is something i thought of last year, to buy for mum's birthday. But geoky said giving a vaccuum as birthday gift is like insulting. So i dropped the idea, bought a xiaomi pad 2023.

So since I got nothing better to do, i decided to go and see the vaccuum at xiaomi.

The G9, G10 series is very bulky - not easy to handle for short person. My mum is shorter than me. So the oic recommended the 229 one which is shorter, and simpler in terms of its function. 

After charging 2 hr, G used it. Hope it come in useful for them.

The suction is not bad. Easy to swing around.

Marc jacob

Hmm after using it for close to 1 mth, i finally found a con to it. The handles of the bag stays upright, so when wearing cross body, the handle will rub against my arms. So the positions are abit awkward. No issue if used as shoulder bag cos i hang it quite long. Hmm luckily i did not go buy a lv onthego which cost 4-5k. Nonetheless still going to use the bag - i like structured bags.

No more

No more of the following

1) Bags - I just bought a 280sgd Marc Jacob tote bag. Other than this, I already have a work bag, a grey cat backpack (previously my workbag), banana bag (birthday gift from Geoky)which I used for my Japan trip, a shoulder bag (which I think I will give away), and a small men messenger bag which is small and slick. I don't need any more bag, some more my colleague gave me a bulburry bag which I hadn't used yet.

2) shoes - I have skecher running shoes (very good for jogging), a skecher Sandler which is very good for travel, a Skechers work shoe, 2 Melissa shoes for work. One skechers slipper - the best slippers I had.

3) hats

4) clothes - I have enough to last me for a long time already. Dun need any more since going to resign soon

5) No more bowls, cups, water bottles - have enough

Discharged

Today spent 2hr travelling time to go kkh from Bedok. Another 1.5hr to come home as i managed to catch the shuttle bus to Bugis. Finally discharged case from kkh, if i encounter future issues, can always go back kkh within 2 years.

Managed to find a bright orangy shirt for Lg. Bought another 2 pieces. Next time just go bedok to buy. 

I got triggered by woke salaryman newest post about a man over inflating his life only to lose his job.

This triggered me cos i thought back to 2020 when covid happens. We downgraded our house from 5 room hdb to a 4 room hdb. Actually i just casually tell him that to look for a higher floor one so cockroach incident. We never thought to upgrade our dwelling because i think i was the only sole breadwinner, and we bought bedok accidentally. I remembered that time where I had to hug lily and out her on my lap as people come and view our flat. It was 1442sqft. 

I still have a 263k housing loan outstanding. Come july, i would have resigned. My cpf would be able to pay for the loan. I intend to use cpf to pay for my 1.5% interest rate loan for another 2 years until 2026.

After that, have to see if it make sense to refinance but with no income, i doubt i could get my house refinanced. Have to see if the interest rates are high. If it is high, likely i just had to sell my singtel shares and pay off the outstanding ~240k using cpf and some cash (maybe from my seatrium).

I must learn to be content with what I have. A roof over my head for me and doggies. He can come visit me in dreams.

Live a simple life and go without a trace.

Going to declutter stuff. Mainly his remaining clothes and my wedding dress. I think it is time to let go.

Thinking of letting go of the stools and some wooden chairs that made it very hard to enter the storeroom.

Labour Day

Had a bad sleep last night. Tonight will reverse my position to sleep.

Today is 23rd 2 月, my mum Chinese birthday.

Decided to walk to 95 to expend some energy. Tabaoed a ice kopi and slowly walked to 95 under the heat.

Reached 85, Geoky called. I tabao sweet dessert back for them. 

Had a miam xian lunch. Nice. After that mum cooked a mc chicken patty and chix. Sumptuous meal. I decided to walked back 547. Took the opportunity to see around.

Fri will go running. Tmr go fighting. After work, wait for Geoky to go cut her hair.

Remember death is certain, so cherish and live in the moment.

I felt that as the days goes by, the burden on my mind and shoulders should lighten. I want freedom!!! Time to work on things that matters to me.

Thought maybe can delve into healthcare assistant - start small. Work towards this. Life is short.