Him

Today YQ came visit me. She was sick recently and just recovering. She was like his sister.

We were talking about her recent genting trip. She recommended to eat the mei ren guo and xiang gu yuan. 

Talking about it reminded us of him. She sais she missed them badly LG and master 2 weeks. I couldn't control my tears.

Was feeling bouts of sadness throughout after she left with her hubby.

Giant got a free carpark - maybe I could go there someday.

Today stomach wasn't too good either - shit and LS at least 4 times. Decided to stay at home - had wanted to run. 

Lazed at home abit and slept at 7pm. Woke up 10pm. Channel surfing 1hr plus so could not find something to watch. Decided to do a quick blog.

On Friday, did a rough calculation - I am 40k from my goal. Would be able to reach by end next year but I planned to leave in Apr 24.

By Mar-24, I should be able to settle his med debt of 15k. Expenses would go down to 2.8k. 1k belongs to car. 

1 Jul 2023

Today I drove our car to Teban Gardens hawker centre. This is my 2nd time driving to this place.

Teban garden holds a special place, it was 2013 when we rented a unit at Blk 23 for 3 years plus. We nicknamed the agent as hu chou cos she has BO.

Anyway the stay there was nice. LG can tabao his own food cos food is available just downstairs.

Life was simple. Rent was 1500, we bought a cheap wira car. House was bright and airy. We adopted xiaobai in 2014. Looking back, my sat was spent on bathing xiaobai, then i would walk to teban gardens hawker to tabao the 经济米粉 with ah char. Did this for 3 years. 

In 2020, we looked around teban and pandan gardens. 403, 405, 57, 25 - we nearly bought 405. Actually very 可惜, we quite like 405 and the unit was a top floor. 

Would he have lived if we bought 405? He wasnt very keen and he was haggling over price with agent. Next day it was sold. Anyway what is past, is past. Writing this down while I still can remember it.

Can I really quit my job?

Though I have 14k passive income, it cannot pay for my 4k expenses.

In 13 mths, I will be able to settle YS medical debt. After that, my monthly will drop to 2.8k. 1k attributable to the car. The car should then be left 3 years.

In a nutshell, it means I need work 4 more years. Can I endure 4 years? By then, I would be able to pay off my housing loan using my cpf oa.

My car is a coe car that my late husband left me. This needs maintainence 100 per mth. Insurance 1.5k a year, tax 1.8k. If I want to keep it, I have to work.

I have 2 elderly dogs, they may need more doc or med later. Heaven knows.

I always thought I could FIRE by age 45. Unless i sell my car, i cannot reach that. Managed to barely hold on to it for 10 mths. Maybe i see in a year more.

What you promised

I promised

1) not to remarry even after he passed on

2) keep praying to his deities until I cant

I realised I cry alot when at home. When outside, I try to control but not at home. It is going to be 10 mths after his passing.

We have our ups and downs, who doesnt. Bad and good memories. I blamed myself for behaving the way I did that morning. I regretted that, it is one of my life regrets. You had 13 years but I didnt cherish it.

Missing him, his jokes, him making nicknames for everyone. 

Finding strength to live and move on each day.

FD

Finally I decided to put my excess funds in FD. Initially wanted to do it with UOB, but u can only do it during working hours. So I transferred my money to POSB, and did FD of 19,999. Anything more will only have 0.05% so not worth to put more. 

Still have some excess, will hold on to it

Drove

After 9 months of his passing, I finally drove the car to mandai crematorium. It was something I wish to be able to do so because, it is hard to get a cab from mandai. 

I paid my respects and cried quite abit. 

I have drove to

1) teban

2) west coast

3) clementi

4) bukit panjang

5) teck whye

6) mandai

7) vicom

Will try 

1) kebun baru

2) aljunied

3) tampines

4) east coast park

5) boon lay

Dreamt of cpr

Dreamt a vivid dream. He was alive again. This time I was armed with cpr skills. But I failed still to resuscitate him when the attack came. Maybe he wanted to say that it is not my fault. He is destined to go.