Should I leave my job?

This thought has been on my mind especially on my commute to work on weekdays. It has been so since beginning last year.

The only thing I look forward to work, is having to drink my tea and coffee. Other than that, it is dread all the way.

I will try to read articles, anything to dispel me from impulsively throw my letter without securing a job first.

Today I came across KC blog, which mentioned that he was retrenched at the age of 31. It struck me because here I was self-pitying myself everyday having to go to work when there are others that will die to get my position. This is really a big wake up call as I am 36 yo.

I always think I am young when I will reach 40 soon but the reality is that I am very unlikely to compete with the young graduates.

I remembered a lesson I learnt when I quite without a job in 2007 when I was working in a call centre in a local bank. After that, it was pure agony as I was not prepared. Started re-jigging my resume and updating it.

After that, it was a game of hitting apply in the online job website. I remembered growing despondent and depressed with every passing day without securing an interview despite sending out 5-10 resumes a day. I was growing desperate and that was when my sister recommended me to do some temp work at her colleague's sister workplace at Pandan Loop. Why not, I hopped on to whatever was available.

2 months into the job, I continued to send my resumes during this period and I secured an interview. I t was for a supposedly dream job writing articles related to stocks. This was what I wanted all along. Went  for the interview and secured the job.

My dreamed job morphed into another boring job. Everyday was boring and I kept getting stuck with no ideas of what to write for articles. I felt a bit ashamed as I seen colleagues writing articles every week as if it's a piece of cake. We had 2 weeks to come up with an article. I looked back in my stint there. In the course of 2 years, i only wrote 20 articles which meant 10 a year which equates to less than 1 a month..... This was quite bad. I was underperforming...

I wanted out and I went for interviews and secured a job for a contract post soon.

Things were rocky. I was given a C- appraisal performance in 2011 which was damn lousy. This was really bad as I heard colleagues who have been there for very long, said that C- is below average. People usually get a C or C+ performance.

I was devastated, despite me putting in hours in weekends. I thought my bosses appreciates this but apparently, it was for nothing. I was bitter. I didn't leave though in that fit of moment, i wanted very badly to. I worry about my contract as it was reviewed yearly and though my performance was not good, my contract was still renewed in April 2011.

I worried about my job as I was on a contract position. Then came 2013, the news hit that the project which my position is tied to, was halted and stopped. Many departments had to let go of the extra headcount. I was worried and it was impossible that my department will allow me to stay. I had to go out to search for jobs. I remembered I went to a govt stat board interview and did very badly at the interview. Till now, I remembered how sucky it was. I nearly gave up until one day, my HR confirmed me as a permanent staff.

Then I got a new boss J. She was encouraging and positive. Despite the challenges I faced, she braced through it with me. I stayed on all this while because of her, I promised myself that I will do what it takes for her. Then last year in 2018, the news came that she will be transferred to another dept. It was damaging. I contemplated quitting since then but again the rational me told me to stay and monitor the new boss C.

My new boss C is almost as good as J. I am willing to stay for her cos I can't bear to let her take over my shitty projects. I have overcome many challenges in this job and I should not quit. There was alot of blood and sweat.

I hope with my renewed resolve, I will be able to flourish on my job until my passive income is enough to cover my expenses. Wish me luck!