The brain is forever fogged, perpetually tired but am noy sure what to do. Watching youtubes and tv, only makes me more empty.
Turned to online shopping. But realised as I shop, I still feel empty.
Was thinking would it matter if I jist dropped dead now?
Will switching job help me? I bet NO.
Has felt this way since 2017. Is it burnout? Is it because there is nothing to look forward to, nothing to work towards.
The only thing I ever look forward, is sleep.
I do not know what to spend time on. Everytime I start to read a book, i would never complete it, regardless of the topic.
I feel like going out for a long walk, so as to refresh myself but the weather is so hot.
I lost alot of interest in stuff. And I dont give a damn about anything. Is this jadedness? Or just burnout?
I tried exercising but it doesnt help. Finding meaning in things just make me more lost as there is no meaning and purpose in life. Was thinking if heaven tells me I only got a month or a week to live, what will I do?
This got me thinking of my wishlist before I close my eyes one last time.
- to enjoy some coffee on a balcony watching the beautiful sunset, water vew with cool breeze on my face
- to go to the disneyland in US (a childhood dream that is not fulilled because nobody close to me, wants to go US)
- go for a staycation at a very luxurious hotel (just for once to feel atas)
- go for a very atas high tea
- go swimming in an indoor pool (something that occasionally comes to mind - like the feeling of swimming)
- live on a super high and windy floor
- not have to work
- exercise and put on youtube
- do nothing peacefully
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