Forcing myself to have goals for 2023

It has been quite meaningless. I lost interest in everything.

Recently I felt my interest creeping back. 

I signed up for a guqin lesson. Started playing erhu.

My investment goal - if SCI rose to 4 bucks, will sell all and buy 20k Singtel. Why Singtel - low price at 2.50. Potential to double to 5. Dividends high.

I just bought 10k of singtel #2.52. Checked that my dividend income for 2022 is 14,280.

Parking between 2 cars

I started taking refresher driving lesson soon after YS' funeral was completed.

Today I were able to park my car between 2 cars. A feat that I thought I could never do. A small victory.

Today went xian dan gong with mum and G. Will request for the next lesson to learn parallel parking soon.

Buying things to distract myself

After he passed on, my life no longer have any meaning. I felt that there is no point to FIRE, something I always have as a goal since starting work 15 years ago.

Everyday, I was in zombie mode - nothing could interest me. I took up jogging to expend my energies so that I would feel tired and can fall asleep. Most days were spent in tears.

Recently for past 2 months,didnt go run as month of dec was mostly sick. Then went for surgery - can only walk.

Some of the things that I bought

- sofa to replace my old one (270)

- threw away a single seat sofa, his one standing cabinet, the king bed - so as to make way for my bed. My sis came to live with me. (200)

- bedframe and mattress (400)

- fridge - old one died suddenly (899)

- xiaomi vaccum and mop set (479)

- one lao hua yan specs for working only (300)

- signed up for guqin (1500 + 850 rent)

I have nothing to focus on but i hope with guqin, it will change. But a guqin will cost me 4k.

Post surgery

After my surgery on 5 Jan, stayed in hospital for 4 days. Got discharged on 8 Jan. Sis came to fetch me.

It is going to be 2 weeks since I am home. A few things happened - aignes up for guqin lessons, drove mum to 青龙爷庙 to 还愿。Donated 1k to the temple building fund. This was what I promised to do should my surgery proceeded. No major issue with it.

Going to be CNY this sunday. I would try to remember what we did for CNY 22 (our first and last cny at bedok flat). Remembered YS asked sis to cook korean stuff and some fried platters for his daughters. Think he himself ate his own cooking - maybe leftovers from the previous night. Then we 4 watched karate kid together.

He is free now. Look on the bright side. He watches us from heaven.

Surgery pt 2

 This Thurs is my surgery, hope I can do it. I just want to get it done and over with as it was rescheduled from 6 Dec due to me having a flu then.

After my surgery, then I can make plans on how to live my life forward - do i quit my job. What volunteer work will I do. What erhu lesson to take etc.

I have no new year resolution. Taking a day at a time. Without LG, I do not know why I am working for. For the past 13 years, my goal is to alway retire FIRE so that I can choose not to work. 

There were plans to travel to HK, Msia etc but sadly he is no longer around.

When alone at home, having plenty of time to burn, I feel very sad because I do not know how to chart my life ahead. What do I want to do - I want to do nothing because nothing matters.

I can only hope to dream of him every night. Maybe when I recover, I go more often to 95 - make it weekly. Spend more time with mum, geoky and yenn - we only have today.

Yesterday went 95 to have a karaoke session with Geoky. Mum made pasta and I have pasta for both lunch and dinner.