Been in a shopping mood

Is it the stress or boredom? I found myself shopping for shoes, clothes and bags...bought 2 pairs of skecher shoes and bought 2 uniqloo tee shirts.

I realised the problem lies with me, no matter what job I take on, I feel stressed. I need to learn to let go and ask myself to f off. 

In the past, I thought it was my govt job that gave me insomnia and ulitmately burnout. Then in the past 1 year, I kind of feel stressed out in mu usher job, airport job. Except for the event one which I am abit heck care.

Now that I am back to my govt job, albeit a contract temp job, I am starting to feel the stress just 6 days into the role.

No matter which job I take, I can never shake off the stress because it is my thinking that makes it worse. Worrying or stressing wont change a damn thing. Am trying to let go. Tmr may never come. Remember that you may not be here tmr. Live your day as if it is your last with no regrets.

Why not Reits or unit trust or robo advisers?

Penning down some thoughts.

I have never bought any reits, unit trusts nor used robo advisors.

For reits, I do not like the right issues that happen whenever the companies need money. Leverage is too high.

Reason being the management fees or whatever fees the trust or advisors take annual regardless of profit or losses. To me, this does not make any senses, if they do a bad job they also charge the annual fees so there is no impetus for them to do a good job. Of course one can argue they will do to attract more funds but... most of them do not make money for the investors long term.

Also I myself want to know where my monies are invested so if there is any issues, I can exit on my own terms. I could sleep at night without having to worry.

Reaching FI

Looking back, I am living the dream - semi retirement. Does not have to worry about money matters. It is something people or the younger me would dream of. I am blessed, truly blessed.

My right leg has been aching since yesterday. Is it cancer?

Remember to 散一些财 while you can.

Work

There were a lot of things I took for granted in my old workplace.

Maybe we were spoilt. But after experiencing for myself the outside manual jobs, I come to appreciate my old workplace better.

My dept people and the office facilities, are something I am thankful for the 14 years in there. Outside, I am mainly on my own, sometimes I meet gui ren and will forever remember them.

Certis - Justina, Mat, VJ, Hai Yan

ESS - Yi mei, that engineer guy 

Never forget their 恩惠。

I mean they don't have to do anything for me, but they showed me the ropes. I am grateful and thankful.

In my old workplace, our people are not so calculative, at least on my level. There is fair completion, those who got promoted, are well deserved.

Now am back in a temp role, demoted by 2 ranks. I am thinking of trying AI that nsee if it could replace my role :) this is inevitable.

Old erhu and guqin

I am writing down so In could remember. 

I gave both my 1300 erhu and 4200 guqin to my erhu teacher. I believe they would be in better hands. I already have a new erhu and mum gave me her old guzheng. These two instruments are enough, I do not need more and nor do I need to take up a new instrument.

My first love erhu will forever be my go to.

Blogging now just to pass some time before I go out to work.

Ops sold my HLF

I wanted to sell my HLF if it hits 2.89 but the stock prices plummeted from 2.74 to 2.54 due to its lousy profits for q2. So thinking that the interest rates will be lowered by the fed soon, the banks profit could only deteriorate and will be worse for coming quarters. With this in mind, I sold all my HLF.

Accumulating a warchest now, hopefully can get to buy Ocbc when it goes to 12 dollars.

Going off for work soon. 4.5hours work. Will be fast. Jiayou.

Gotten into a very lazy mode since end jul. I didn't work for 17 days until my first day back at old workplace on 18th Aug. Ruminating and catastrophic over possible complaints are what is paralyzing me. 

Just go and work lah, you won't die even if you tio. I will come back home.

First week past

I just completed working for three days back at my old office. Familiar feeling and only one new colleague since I left.

No accesses yet, so luckily was able to play around with the chatbot. Read up on ojt materials as much as possible.

More ojt coming. I think I should be able to handle it because I do not really have to drive projects. There is no appraisal, so I dont need to feel constantly on my toes. 

Go fighting next week, brush up on your EQ. Feeling v conscious of my dark eye circles. Maybe I need buy a concealer if it affects me too much.

For now, just use my foundation first ba. Dont waste money. 

Tmr am going for second swimming lesson. Then afternoon, work as security guard. Is a short one 4.5hrs job. 

Sunday meeting my tcc kakis. I have resigned from my asm job. For certis, I will see how it goes. Maybe as my friend suggested, dont do anything then six months auto terminated. Still got 26 hours to go, if sept got more 2 to 9 slots, will consider going for it.

Now waiting for mum to go guzheng class. 

First day

Haha what a day.

Forgot to bring my charger, went to buy 1. Then when i want to charge, my phone back came off. Lucky thing is still can use. So later after work going to have to buy a new phone. Looking to buy Xiaomi 14T Pro.

Now waiting for my laptop, so meantime entertaining myself surfing net. But funny, dunno what to surf.

After I get my laptop, crux is to get everything setup. Will be busy i guess.

Time passes very slowly. 

Googling about dog ordour. Xiaobao smells very badly. She smelled like piss even though i just bathed her. 

I have this feeling she is going to pass on soon. Have to treat her better, but if not for her shit eating habits, I would. If i give her other food, she LS a few days.

I dont dare give her anything to eat, other than the dry food. Need feed her more at night.

I hope I will last longer than my dogs because I know my sisters wont be able to take care of them if I am gone

I am a lousy dog owner, and will not go get any new pets. 不要去害动物。

Penning them down so that I dont forget.

I also could not get my tranexamic acids med. Need to see dr then can. Rescheduled my dr appt earlier.

Aimless

I have almost ran out of youtube videos to watch.

Today having my 2nd heavy menses in Aug, feeling v tired but also restless. Later got to take my meds.

I wish to be productive but at the same time, everything seem pointless.

I focus on one thing at a time. Yesterday was my first swim lesson since 15 years ago. Nostalgic. I still remembered I was very diligent to go swim every alternate day when I was at 养虫公司. Then i found my breast lump issues.

LG had given me 15 years, I am grateful. If i go today, I dont have alot of regrets. 

Today stuck at home because of my period. Scared it leaked. Simon delivered my chairs, which I bought from taobao.... the armchair is too plastic, it wont last long as plastic will crack. Oh well, I will just have to use it.

Picked up ff16 again, getting into the vibes again. Tmr will be my first say back to my ex company, jiayou le.

Thinking of what happens after 6 months

As the days go by, the day to return to my old workplace draw closer.

I feel nothing as nothing much has changed but I believe I will appreciate my old workplace more. The colleagues, the lunch kakis, the Aircon, the freedom to go toilet when I need to, having a desk (I cannot believe I am saying this), a locker, a pantry, 

These are what I have not experienced whether in my usher job, airport or security job. I can't form deep bonds with anyone. Been so for 1 year plus.

I realized I have forgotten how to book a room or even arrange a virtual meeting.

Anyway have to learn from scratch. Jiayou le even if the world falls apart, u can pick yourself up. Absorb like a sponge.

I realized that I cannot blend or mix with younger folks, dunno whether it is a generation gap or not. Don't have much to talk about. My interest are games and personal finance. 

There were times I imagine I was employed in another office setting, then I believe I won't be able to talk with my colleagues who are likely fresh graduates.

Just a lot of thoughts today, that I am literally feeling very left behind. 

But I console myself, even IF I could mix with them, the relationship is superficial. Need not think too much. They won't miss you when you are gone. Zero...

不需要执着，也不需要被想念。这才是真正的自由。

Which sequence of stocks will I liquidate

As the SG stock market rises, I will consider to liquidate my stocks in the following sequence:

- Singtel if it reaches 4.50

- CDL if it reaches 8.00

- Keppel if it reaches 10.00

- Uol if it reaches 10.00

- HLF if it reaches 2.80

Some jobs I wish to try out in future

Florist - go pick up lessons

Pet shop assistant

Retail assistant

Groceries assistant

F&B

Hdb floor leak?

Today I woke up 5am plus so that i can prep the dogs - which mean feeding them and letting them pee and poo. I have to go outside then xiaobai will go and do that. So i did all this before 8am then put them in my room while I wait for the hdb officer to come. 

He was delayed, he came 10.45am (1h45min late) anyway he settled everything by 12.20pm. 

Then i cleaned my room and fell asleep watching yt. Woke up still feeling v tired so i exercised 1hr on the elliptical. Made my maggie mee plus rice plus fang shu ye mixture...

Then decided to write down some thoughts. I think I am developing a phobia for my airport work, I cant bring myself to go do the jobs even though I have all the time. 

I am definitely avoiding but i still need to clear 26hours more. I have to start small, haiz i think i am frightened by all the red taming and unpleasant customer experience but I must not let fear dictate my life. I forgot that 99.9 of the customers are good. 

Slowly but surely, I will pick up the momentum.

Sold all seatrium

Sold all my seatrium shares and waiting to buy Ocbc when it dipped to 12 bucks.

Getting lazy

Is it burnout or pure laziness?

I have not worked a day since 30 jul, last was ASM.

Been staying home or going out when bored to stakeout popmart.

Keep delaying bathing dogs or sweeping and mopping floors. Not a good sign.

Can't sleep at night. I believe is all the inactivity. Tonight should go running. 

Tmr go gym with Jenn.

I feel very scared of even working at airport. I dunno, this has been worsening and I get very worried before every job. I still need 26 hours but I can't bring myself to work. Haiz....hasnt worked one day in August. Not a good sign. 

I believe I am running away from my problems - packed the determination to see it through. I should try to see if I can work on wed and Thurs...

Dream

Documenting my dream down in case it means something in future.

I have not dreamt of LG for quite some time. To me, maybe it was a sign he had reached nivarna or another world and he could put down everything here.

Anyway last night had a vivid dream, that he was alive and it was like 3 months before he passed on. Somehow time had reversed and I was given the luxury to spend my last three months with him. I remembered telling or asking him if I could take some long leave or something so I could spend more time with him. He questioned why.

Then I used my fingers to signal that he would die of a heart attack on 9 May. Erm actually he died on 22 Aug (15 of 7th month). I don't know why I said 9 May.

He was unfazed. Then next scene, I saw a moustache guy (those guzhuang look) was in a room using an umbrella or something (without touching the thing) to play a zither (look like guzheng). I think it is him but LG don't play guzheng. Then we were in another room with a toy or lousy zither with somebody else but he and that someone was clad in 古装, talking about the zither. 

I woke up then.

I don't know what this dream means.

What to buy next?

 Have been liquidating my stocks, starting from my US stocks. Left only Nike shares. Then I moved on to liquidate my SG stocks - seatrium, sheng siong and now aiming more seatrium if it hits 2.50. 

With the excess cash, I would hold and hopefully could buy OCBC shares if it drops to 12 bucks. With the growing global uncertainties, and possible recession in 2H25 or 1H26, the bank share price should drop in tandem with the economic conditions. For now, inaction is key to further success. 

Next year March would see me settling my home loan, then I will be debt free. I can have more peace of mind. My OA would be emptied.

One step at a time, going back to my previous job for a short stint of 6 months. Apprehensive but I believe I could tahan no matter what. 

I would need to clear 170hours of my airport jobs soon. Stopped my usher already.