I don't have to do anything

Past few days had been quite uneventful. Abit sian at home watching youtubes. Need to spruce up my life abit. Next few days will be working 5hours mostly a day. Happy to have an excuse to go out. Getting lazy especially after coming back from Taipei trip.

After I got my new bag

After I got my braun buffel bag, I decided to gift or sell away my old bags.

I sold my small beige carlo rino bag for 20 bucks. Gift away my skecher sling bag (foc from skecher runs) and my carlo rino grey birthday bag that I bought for 90plus dollars. 

1 in, 3 out. The remaining bags are still being used as I am mostly using them on my work days.

Ys

These 2 nights, had dreamt of my hubby. The first night he came with me to a place with many kittens, then he ended up throwing some food to the cats.

Last night, I was visiting somebody's place then one person said there were some 法宝扇子 that my hubby 开光 before. Then suddenly the scene changed and I was walking with Ys, him in a yellow top. Then we were going around and taking some statue to kowtow to the temples then suddenly he collapsed and I tried to do CPR on him and .... My dreams mostly ended on this note. Maybe in my mind, I always think he could have survive if I had given him CPR correctly that day. 

Till date, I always teared when thinking of this, it would be my regret that I would hod on till the end of my life. Traumatized ... even after 3 years.

永远无法释怀的。

I could only try to occupy myself with work.

Taipei with J

17 Jun to 21 Jun

On impulse, we decided to go for a short trip to Taipei, J mainly to go to Mayday exhibition and stayreal merchandise. 

On 17 Jun, we met 11pm at T1, the flight was 1am via SCOOT.

We reached Taipei, 6am and after taking an express mrt, we reached out hotel 9am after a short break at 7-11 at the airport. We checked in and then we went out for a yong he dou Jiang breakfast. Yummy.

Then we went to Mayday exhibition, J couldn't help her friends get the baseball tee. Then after 2 rounds, and a short exhibition, we went lalaport. The whole mall was very high end, we ended up eating lunch at a jap burger shop. After that, we went back to ximending, and shopped around.

2nd day, we had breakfast at a luroufan shop, ate a hearty meal the we set off for stayreal. J went to q while I walked around nearby, chanced upon Cheng pin and spent 3 hours there. Brought some wuliao stuff for my mum, sisters. Then went back to meet J. 

We had a good lunch at a gardenly restaurant.

Then we headed back. Shopped a bit around ximending as J wanted to get the passport chop.

Third day, we went to eat breakfast by buying at 7-11, I had a very nice mayouji noodle. Then we set off for the textile lane, bought my Taiwan LV bag hahah so auntie. Then we just ate fresh sashimi at a market. Then we headed to the underground mall. I wanted a sweater. 

After some shopping, J bought a bag while we decided to go back to the converse short. Wanted to try on a sweater, ended up with another sweater as the one I liked, looked v funny as it seems to emphasize my breasts....

Bought the bomber style, luckily I bought because the airport and the flight was very cold. I managed to fall asleep on the plane. So tired

Reached sg early, asked J to go home while I wait for my sis and mum. We ate mac and drank luckin, to wait for popmart to open. We then bought a chakra, got a lei. Haha then at 11am, I went to snatch energy bubu turned out no need to snatch as it was available whole day.....

This concluded my first short trip with J. It was memorable as I just wanted to get away and eat.

Life after FIRE

Started the day watching a youtube video of a lady talking about pife after FIRE.

This resonated with me abit.

I always thought I would live happily ever aafter when I reach my FIRE number 500k.

I thought I could then spend more time with hubby, slow down and relax. My hubby passed away before I could reach FIRE. All my planning had gone largely to waste.

Even though I managed to reach FIRE 2 years after his death, there is nobody to share my joy, share my life. 

Then before I quit my job, i wrote down all the stuff I wanted to do, and I largely have not done much.

Most of my days are spent playing PS5, go out jalan with my sister, working 2 to 3 days a week just to keep me on my toes. I wanted to go back to jogging but weather too hot. Will continue my erhu and guzheng lessons. Take things ez as there is nothing I wish to do.

Tooth implant

Today did a 2nd tooth implant. Damage 1950 MA plus 170 GST cash. Three months later, will do the tooth moulding. The tooth will cost 1100, need do another 11 days worth of work haha. 

DBZ chapter

In Oct 2024, I dug out my DBZ and sailor moon cards and decided to sell them away. I have kept these cards for over 30 years.

Throw them away, heart pain. Keep them, no more feeling.

So after 9 months, I finally sold all my DBZ cards. Earlier have already sold my sailor moon ones.

This ended a three decade old hobby. Haha never could have imagined that there are people who are still willing to pay for the golden cards.

Now am into figurines. 2D to 3D.

Will I live another three decades? Likely not.

Who am I living here for? For now, mum and 2 doggies. Xiaobai is sick, she might not have long. Need to be mentally prepared. Feed her 10% more. Still having diarrhea so don't dare feed too much else like last week, she LS the whole toilet down. This morning also, LS...

Xiaobai, if she passes, I believe she will join hubby in the afterworld.

FIRE - very lean FIRE

I remembered I thought my dividends could cover my expenses and I planned a year b4 i quit my cushy job. The dividends did until my expenses shot up due to certain expenses - dental, gaming, short vacation trips.

These always made my supposedly 1800 monthly expenses shoot up to 2500, additional 700.

So in Dec I thought I would just get a part time job that works 3 days a week and pays me 800, so I have 2800 a month with some buffer.

Fast forward 7 months, I have done it. I have 3 side jobs. Certis, usher and now events.

Actually who am i leaving my estate to. I cannot possibly spend 650k.

I should relax and enjoy my money more. Donate more while I am alive.

Meetup with wj

Today I jioed my longtime sec school friend out to lunch. She had just came back from Spain after 8 months of studying. We met at chinatown hawker centre, ate the 红油抄手，锅贴，  and some 米糕。 It was nice and it was the Michelin star one. Then I went to buy kopi from the 五十年代 which won 2024 Michelin. Hmmm

As we got hotter, we decided to jalan Abit then we drank the 杨枝甘露 from a stall near the junction to chinatown point. Then we went to eat some dessert at Hiroshi coffee.

Wj may be staying in Spain for another 4 years for her PhD. We talked a lot. Anyway for me, told her studying is out for me. I will just do manual jobs to while my time away. Who knows how long I have left.

Today sold my cpf Singtel shares. Locking in profits to prepare for the full redemption in March 2026.

Life is short, are there anything you wish to do? The answer is a no. I have no regrets already. I would have been gone age 26. As hubby had said, I was 'eating' or leaning on him, to keep me alive. I have been living on borrowed time for 16 years, what more can I ask except for a fast death.

Treated mum to atas restaurant

Today brought my mum to crown plaza hotel to meet her friend from Australia.

Her friend brought her milk powder and medicines. Waited 45min then I went to meet my coll at jewel to chat. Then as my mum was coughing, suggested for her to eat lunch at the atas italian. Had risotto and sphageti and 2 coffee. Mum enjoyed the risotto while i ate the sphageti.

After lunch, went straight home and i left for my home

Work

For the past 1 week, I have worked at indoor stadium for 3 days. Omg my first day was inside and I had aircon and toilet whole day at my side.

For yesterday and today, I was outside and it was so so so so hot. It was as bad as national stadium. However time flies because I always have something to do. Breaks were more frequent.

I thought I would faint one day but I didnt. It was so hot and I was wearing 2 layers. Luckily for breaks, I could go and enjoy some aircon to cool down. Phew today was a shorter day. Earned another 300.

Booked 2 trips...

On a whim, I decided to join my ex colleague J on a short trip to Taiwan, Taipei. That was yesterday.

Today, another colleague that i jioed before for penang, called. I guess it really was fated. Booked another 4d3n stay to Penang.

For Taipei, just going to follow my coll with the main aim to relax and eat, jiak.

For penang, will be the one planning with inputs. Hope we come back still ok.

For both, this would be a first time travelling. Hope our relationship dont sour.

No more 9 to 5pm five days

These few days I had been pondering a question - can I ever get back to.a 9 to 5pm five days a week job.

Ever since I quit my job last year July, I knew then that I will likely not be able to get back another such job. Due to ageism and lack of skills.

I was prepared to do anything to, except to wash toilet. I could do dish washing.

Though I was prepared, I felt a certain level of guilt when I thought of my father putting me through university, only to land up in this state - doing lowly paid manual labour. Did I bring shame or anything to him but there are people doing such jobs. I am doing such job because I want to.

On the other hand, I asked myself what do I want? I want to work 3 days only but which office job allows me to do this. Even lowly paid admin jobs shunned me the moment I tell them I am 42. Sense of awkward silence.

I was prepared for this but still since I made the choice, I will live with it since ultimately it is my life.

For 18 years, I have lead a corporate life. I pushed it away last year and there is no looking back. Continue to live a life of no regrets.

My dream bag

Today went Tampines century square to see popmart for a new chaka series. Unfortunately there was not any. So we went other places to see other blindboxes and ended up with a chip and dale one. I got an umbrella version while my sis got the secret one which was a disappointing female chipmunk.

Then I suggested to go to Tampines One Uniqlo to see if a certain bra top I want, is on sale. Ended up in isetan because my sister mentioned isetan closing down so got sale. My sister 怂恿 me to look at the Braun buffel bags on sale.

Actually 2 years ago, when we first went genting outlet shopping, I saw a navy blue flag bag that was very nice at carlo rino but there was no new piece. Ever since, I had been looking for it to no avail.

Today in isetan, I found one that look like the one I was searching for, in navy blue. The size was just right.

It was 599, and after discount 430.

Well my sis egged me on to buy it. I was hesitant as I have quite a few bags already. And this would be my most expensive bag. In the end, I still bought it because this could be the only time I see it. Damage done, no more bags for 10 years. Hope it last.

I had a braun buffel wallet which had lasted me so many years and still going strong. I hope this new bag can last me a decade. It grows on me. So because I got this bag, I decided to sell my extra bags. See if got takers.

Concert

Finally I worked with J in a concert setting. I was very anxious. Of course as a newbie, I am not used to everything but I believe I can get beta.

We had lunch at sweet garden cafe, a nice cosy place in mountbaten. Then we were still v early so we walked around, J showing me the various places.

Hope this is a new beginning.

Jiayou

Health

Yesterday went to polyclinic to visit doc for my blood tests.

There are 2 red flags - creatinine level and my iron level.

For me, most worrying is my creatinine. My sister has kidney failure, no root cause. So not sure when is my turn 

Since 2022, my doc showed me my creatinine level is 90, stable. I also need to come follow up every 6 months to check my kidney and iron. 

Another worrying is my breast, need to do mammogram every year.

Hong Kong counter

Today I finally decided to buy 2 Hong Kong stocks - Bank of China and Alibaba.

I deposited 6k into my moomoo, converted to HK dollars and bought 2000 BOC and 200 Alibaba.

Why? Because after exiting US stocks except for Nike shares, I thought of putting my cash elsewhere. 

After listening to Master Leong, i was influenced to park my money in Hong Kong as I felt China will emerge victorious against US.

I am in for the long term.

My 3rd uncle wife

Ever since my 3rd uncle passed away 10 years ago, I did not have anything to do with his wife.

All along she and my mum got along. I remembered mum always buying her clothes.

We were on good terms, no hatred. Nothing. The feud with 3rd uncle is only with him. He had already gone and so had my father.

Last year when I was contemplating to resign my cushy job, I decided to help my aunt claim my 3rd uncle assets in SG. It started with my mum who tried to help her find out the info from the banks. I also called CDP to understand. Things were abit more complicated as my uncle was a foreigner.

Long story short - the sg lawyer said to do a LPA on his assets so since sept last year, my aunt had been coming to SG whenever the lawyer need her to sign documents. Tmr would be the 3rd meeting - hopefully and last.

After the LA is done, i will need to send to the CDP, then sell the stoks and deposit into dbs bank acc b4 closing. Writing this down in case I forget about it.

She gave me 2 angbaos, 1500sgd altogether. I didnt help her because of money, I helped her purely out of kinship. She being a vietnamese and I being an abled person who could help and it was within my means.

Exited US stocks

I sold off all of my US shares except for Nike.

Sold citigroup, Alibaba, Coca cola.

Why I sold my shares - potential devaluation of US dollars as one-third of US debt matures in June. Could this be the catalyst for a long drawn global recession.

Chances are high - Warren Buffett is holding onto cash.

I will continue to accumulate my warchest little by little.

I remembered that how I ventured into US stocks. I wanted to buy Coca cola shares. Then I saw a YouTuber share how to use Moomoo. That was how I decided to open a Moomoo account and started investing.

Overtime, I bought even Meta when it crashed to 100plus dollars. Sold it off for a profit of 4300 sgd. I made a total profit of 7000sgd from buying and selling of US stocks on a capital of less than 18k, over 4 years.

Maybe it is time to venture into HK market. But for now, am accumulating warchest.

Got a new erhu

I decided to stop learning guqin. I still have 1300 worth of lesson, in the end the school only allowed me to use 760 to buy an erhu. The remaining five lessons were forefeited. 

I decided to accept since I doubt I could find anyone to transfer me package to. And my current erhu already 8 years old. After testing my new erhu, I learnt to appreciate my old erhu. The sound is so much loud and clear.

Anyway was contemplating whether to sell off my new erhu, but maybe I will keep it. Abit 舍不得。Funny how I felt this but don't feel anything to my guqin. 

See how things go from here. For now, I will just focus on learning erhu and guzheng. Whereas guqin, I just try to play on my own.

Exciting May month

There are a few things I look forward.

1) Phantom of the opera 29 May (one of my bucket list)

2) Liguohuang show 30 May

3) Working as SO with J in Lady Gaga concert

4) GE - working as SO night shift

I started working in airport. It was a very hectic Friday - 3 flights in 4 hours. Thurs was ok - 2 flights in 4 hours. I started getting the gitters on Thurs morning. But whatever I must press on. Else need pay back 1000 bucks.

一山还有一山高。

Initially thought the usher job was shitty. Then started working at Buona vista, it was worse because of the heat. Then thought changi is better. But for that 2 days, I sweat like mad - my uniform would have been soaked if not for the inner tee shirt I wear. Now I am feeling how cushy my previous job at stat board was. Earning money through manual labour is not as easy as I thought.

I am thinking how the airport flexi staff could tahan this. They are mucher older than me. I could bearly tahan 4hours.

Was thinking if flexi are being tekkan. But I got to learn. If I got fired, then it is a sign airport is not for me. 这也没办法。

AvSO

Today I will be going for my 2nd shift. Yesterday made 2 mistakes, will try not to make it today. Learn from your mistake.

Just keep going.

Don't stop moving.

Next week working Fri (usher) and sat (night SO). Next mon got a full day course.

Would have earned 104 for these 2 days work.

Ended my guqin lessons

Yesterday I made the decision to end my guqin lessons. I started my guqin lessons after my kkh surgery in 2023 Jan.

It had been 2 years. Why I picked up this, was that I was still suffering from my grief. My hubby passed away in Aug 2022. I thought it was an easy instrument and I could play it stressfree.

After 2 years, I couldnt grasp the basics. I cant understand the score. This had been bugging me from the start. Secondly my teacher always wasnt playing attention and looking at his phone during my lessons. He also eat into my 45 mins. Something I tolerated for many months. Finally the last straw came last sunday. I was playing this piece for many weeks. Each time I went to class, he tells me different things. Then that day, he said i made the most fundamental mistakes....i think it is a sign that I should not continue. 

I have given this a go for 2 years plus. I felt very stressed to play the instrument which was totally the complete reason why I took it up.

Still have 13 lessons each worth 95 left which I wish to use to buy an erhu. See how, if cant, either convert to erhu or somewhat.

Finished PS5 games

Ever since I quit my job last July, I started playing PS5 games.

- Valkyrie profile Elysium

- Harvest moon

- wukong

- FF7 rebirth

- Tales of arise

- Persona 5 royal (just completed today)

- Star ocean divine force 

Going to get a new game Metaphor regranzio. Need to research which jpg to go buy.

My non existential career

I just completed my training to be an aviation officer. The training was eight days and not easy. If too confident, or careless, could easily fail the tests.

Next week will have 4 days of ojt and if I passed, I would be on my own.

I see half of my class to be elderly and half young. The young ones are just tiding through the period and still looking on for other jobs. The other end are people who are elderly and have to work to feed themselves.

I began to think what do I really want? Three days flexi and choosing when to work forever or another full time career. Problem is I don't think I have the drive to climb the corporate ladder. Felt tired easily. If I have kidney failure, I think I can still do flexi work though it would be difficult. Ushering, security and aviation.

I should try to toggle this till the day I die. No regrets, you chose this path.

Sleeping

This past week was a roller coaster ride in the market. 

I had been sleeping well, and did not worry Abit about my stocks. Yes, they were hammered. But as Warren Buffett said, if you like to eat hamburgers, you would be happy that the prices of hamburgers drop and buy. 

I am eyeing a few stocks but they had not dropped to the price I want.

This tariff thingy not going to end anytime sooner, will garner headlines for the coming weeks. Hold on tight.

Chaos in the markets

The bloodbath in the stock market started last Thurs. The US tariffs against the world, are causing the chaos.

I am not going in now as I have limited cash. Will aim a few stocks - OCBC if it hits below 10. Keppel if below 5. UOL if below 5. 

Am looking at these three. 

Stay sane.

Dividends payout may fall so be prepared to have to work more days.

Penang trip 2025

Finally the Penang trip was over. I planned the trip for 5 colleagues. 

The itemanary was very chill, with only one place of interest and the rest shopping.

Day 1 

Checked into a huge airbnb. Had lunch at gurney mall and shopped Abit in gurney plaza 

When sun set, we went chew jetty and Armenian street, making our way to chulia street for dinner which was wanton, char kuey teow and rojak. Then we went chagee and grabbed home.

Day 2

Breakfast was fu er dai dimsum, it was surprising good. Then we grabbed to kek lok si temple. The temple was quite commercialized, we had to take the lift twice to get down from the top. Grab driver are not allowed to go up to the top. When grabbing, driver recommended us to go ho ping to buy a migu. We did and it created a lot of laughter because nobody want to eat the so called no.1 migu. We went karaoke, then foot massage before ending with a late dinner at ding tai feng.

Day 3

Breakfast was at kakfa coffee. It was brunch. I ate the cempadek cheesecake, which was ok and didn't send me to heaven though. I had french toast. Then we grabbed to check out, before making our way to the peranajan mansion. Next we chilled abit at the o.o white coffee cafe. It was hot. Then we grabbed to Kia Lai bakery but the lotus bread with floss was sold out. Half of them bought something. Then we grabbed back to take our luggage and grabbed to airport. My colleagues all ate macdonald, I didn't because was feeling full then on flight back, I ate the pizza that sia provided. Yummy, hot piping pizza. Home sweet home, my colleague hubby drove me home.

This concluded my Penang trip, think the last was more than 6-7 years ago.

Jealousy

Well I thought I won't be jealous because I did not feel jealousy towards my colleagues when I was working and they got promoted. Because I truly believe they deserved the promotion.

But today while watching a YouTube video which tells people to not tell people how much they have, I recalled a conversation with my ex colleagues. Some of them are getting a promotion this year. 

I remembered feeling very jealous but I know I don't want it. Recalling my own promotion, my stress level shot through the roof. I felt like a failure because I got staff that I need to look out for and one was not performing well. 

Anyway when I last left, both my staff were doing well. I left with an 安心. This is why I no longer hankers after any high paying job, the anxiety for my own works, my staff works and everything was eating me away. I had insomnia where I would wake up at 3am everyday.

I was anemic, lack of sleep, overweight, chronically tired. When I get a cough, I would cough 3 months.

Now I can sleep till 7am, lost some weight, eat better, and if down with cough, cough 1-2 weeks. All these are signs of better health.

No point having more money as you can't bring it to your grave. Live fruitfully.

Restless

I realized I can't sit and do nothing. I had been playing my PS5 game Persona and hit a roadblock. I would stop liao cos just nice my training starts on 2 April. Then thought to switch to watching YouTube. While watching YouTube, I did some packing for my upcoming Penang trip. After my trip, I would start my training at Toh Tuck.

It is 8 months into my semi retirement life. This month, I would have earned 600 bucks. Haha when I compare this to my full time job pay of 9k, is heaven and earth. I don't regret it. Recently I don't feel well, this could be my end.

Even so, I will not change my lifestyle. Daily caifan and Chinese noodle. I had been eating so for these months and I still like it. 

Tmr, I would be meeting ys sisters and niece. We had wanted to have lunch but due to ys big bro, the Feb lunch was cancelled. Will be going to Raffles club. Just had to wear better. I am not sure how much the lunch would cost, but I intend to play dutch. Later go google. Costs are around 25 or above.

I ask myself whether I see myself working like this ... Yes. I would treat my usher, security job as exercise. I need to learn from Pritar, an 80 year old who works 26 days a month, doing a strenuous job. Even for myself, I find it strenuous but he had worked there for 6 years and just want to work more days. I very peifu him. I am half his age, and he is not complaining, so why am I?

One mountain higher than this mountain

一山还有一山高

Today is my first usher day after almost 2 months break.

It was a breeze even though it was new to me. There are 2 new exhibitions so got more slots for us to work. Initially was going to work today then I would have no work till 2 April.

Then suddenly I got a WhatsApp asking me to work tmr. Well, why not 

Today worked non stop 5 hours but ok mainly because I got trained by my security job where I had to work 6 sometimes 7 without a break. And there, it was hot. I always sweat like mad. Then I did 12 hour shift recently. Woah, it was tiring.

So today after a hiatus, I realized how good my usher job feels. There is aircon and free meals. Only bad point is I can't go toilet as and when I like, so had to not drink water until my lunch break and dinner break. Initially wanted to stop my usher job after I trained for aviation. But now, I decided otherwise, maybe go work once a week.

8 months since I left my full time job

When someone asked me when I left my full time job, I realised it had been 8 months. 

I still remember the scenes of my last day like it was 1 or 2 months ago.

I started finding part time jobs to pass time in late dec, and it is almost 3 months. The days pass very slowly, but the month passed very quickly. In 4 months, it will be 1 year. Nobody missed me at work. 

Nobody is indispensable no matter who tells you otherwise. As Sadhguru says, today u varnish, there is no impact to the world.

Earned on average 500 bucks per month. Am I happy? Yes. I can sleep better. Previously I would wake up 3am and cannot sleep. Now i wake up naturally at 7am plus.

My weight is down to 60.4kg, I lost 10kg. Was heaviest at 70kg in Jan 2024. Maybe the cortisol level makes it difficult for me to lose weight all these while.

Appetite on and off. Today appetite comes back.

Am not sure whether I can live for how long more. Cherish everyday and treat as experiences. 

As I looked back, I have forgotten alot of my memories of my previous travels. I am afraid I would forget him someday. I hope this day does not come.

Gain as much experiences whether good or bad, and you can share them with him when you meet again.

Today is my 3rd working day for March

I only worked 6 days in Feb mainly becos I have no usher jobs. Then the no-usher-job extended into March. 

Maybe after my April training, I would quit the usher job cos they also dun have much jobs.

This month, I am also only working 5 days, 4 days as security and 1 day usher.

Had been thinking about whether this is truly what I want. And yes, it is. 

I have the ability to control when I feel like working. 

Someone asked me if I would go back to full time work. I doubt so, at least not for the next 1 or 2 years. Just want to avoid the anxiety I feel, on every working days. This is my problem but I feel anxiety even when going for usher job.

So can imagine if this is how I feel, it would be even worse 5 days a week.

Yes, i missed my fat paycheck and ability to spend without battling an eyelid, but after the past 8 months of low income, I have not died nor starved. 

A daily routine would be watching youtube, playing ps5, music instruments and jogging. Yes, I need to pick it up again. My lifestyle would not change much already. There would be times when I am extremely bored at home and I would go out to jalan jalan.

The appetite comes in and out, mainly is the end of me soon.

CDL

Bought another 2 lots of CDL. I believe the current debacle will not affect the long term viability of the company, just like how Singpost is still around despite the recent events.

CDL has a NAV of 10 dollars, I have a large margin of safety by buying at 4.97.

After this, I have no more ammunition to buy stocks. Shall rest and accumulate very slowly.

Bored day

Today is my last free tuition. E only needs to come back if her spelling falls below 70. See whether this tactic works, and also simon can spend more time with his family.

Then my guqin teacher fell sick so class was cancelled. So have been idling around since 10.30am. Then decided to practise my erhu 1 hr.

Then while sitting in my room,  I was thinking how to reduce my room furniture. Wanted to throw 1 cupboard away. Actually I can, managed to clear most of the cupboard stuff. Another day will consolidate then i will email the town council to come and clear.

Thiinking of minimising my stuff, maybe is due to my own health. I do not want to leave behind alot of rubbish for my sisters to clear. So I am going to start and see if I could reduce my stuff by 50%.

Also, since I am pretty bored and free, I could start to embark on this journey.

Actually abit 不舍得， that cupboard is YS medicinal cupboard and the wood is very good. 

Anyway I think I can clear out my stuff first. My clothes getting abit more - mainly because I bought 4 top and 2 pants for my usher and security job.

Jogging

I decided to pick up jogging again after Sep 2024 yellow prison run.

That particular run made me felt so demoralized because I couldnt run at all. The steep inclines and declines throughout the 10km, made me doubt my life.

So after that run, I stopped completely. 2 weeks ago, I just decided to run again. This jogging habit was something I did after hubby died. Mainly it was to make me exhausted so I could sleep - was suffering insomnia after his death.

Whenever I run, I would tell myself he would be waiting at the finish line.

Today is my hatch day. Was feeling aimless and seeing the weather, decided to run. But today at the park, there wasnt many people so fearing for my own safety, I just jogged 1km and exercised at the fitness corner which is more open and visible.

Maybe I can try to exercise at the fitness corner below my block occassionally. To do some weight lifting. 

Usually I dabao kopi c kosong peng after exercising, got a rude shot. The drink now cost 2.30.... last year it was still 2 bucks. Unbelievable 15 percent increase.

Cpf rich or cash rich

I believe being cash rich is more important than being cpf rich. Why?

Because I believe i won't live too long and if there is any need, i cant touch a cent in my cpf account except for MA for my medical needs. My father died at 69 yo. Grandpa and grandma died in their 70s.

Cash is king. When there is recession, or when you need money, cash is the savior. This is why I do not do any cpf cash topup for tax relief. I rather put all my money into stocks.

Marc jacob bag

I think I am going to eat my words again. Recently I had been eating my words. First I said my marc jacob bag was a letdown, then i said i am not going to work at buona vista cos it was hot, then I said that i wont do buffet server. 

I went back on all my words. So for this post, I am going back on my marc jacob bag.

I bought the medium tote bag in Mar 2024 in japan. After that, I even went to buy an organiser for it, making it even more heavy and less spacious. The color soon started fading. And I did not use the bag very frequently until one day, I decided to either use the bag or give it away. I was very close to giving it away. But I didn't.

I threw away the organiser, and just decided to make it my everyday bag.

Woah, since then, I had been using it alot. I dun really care whether it gets dirty or not. 

And I started to enjoy the bag because it was spacious. I carry alot of things and there is no way a small bag can fit my stuff. 

It fits the bill. Haha a 2nd leash of life. Now am happily using it. Yes the colors are still fading but I couldnt care less. 

Everytime I look at it, I feel satisfied. It will be my forever bag. Trying to fight my impulse to buy useless bags. So far for this year, other than the green bag, I hasnt bought any bag. Bought it because my black bag was torn and I gave that away. The green bag was just nice when I work as an usher.

Giant grasshoopper

During chu Yi cny, at nightime, a large giant grasshopper flew into my house and sat on my altar board. I presume is my hubby, coming to see me. 

It made some loud noise when it flew in, I was watching YouTube.

Then when I saw it was a grasshopper, I remembered a day in bukit panjang flat when I was alone and 2 giant insect - one grasshopper and another praying mantis/moth flew into my kitchen then. I ignored them and went to sleep, they were gone the next day.

The grasshopper was gone the next day. I remembered when I told LG of the 2 insects, he said they were probably the deceased coming to visit me.

I crouched low in order not to startle it, and did so when going to my master bathroom to brush my teeth, and also in living room to switch off the lights.

Will we meet again?

Seatrium 2.48

Sold another 5k shares of seatrium at 2.48/share. 12.4k cash in the bag. 

This is pure profit as the shares were given for holding Keppel shares.

Will sell 5k if the share price reaches 3, and remaining 5k at 3.50.

Became a low wage worker

Before I quit my govt job, I was prepared for the worst. Not finding an equivalent pay job.

Frankly I am in my current stage of doing part time job by choice. I no longer yearns to work 5 days. I want to spend more time with family while getting by. Just want to scrape by with 800-1000 per month if possible through my part time job. Feb will see me earning 430 only as I do not have the usher job. Meantime exploring buffet server - this is giving me the anxiety. 

I do not need a high paying job because my dividends are giving me 2k a month already without working. Although they can cover my essential expenses, I have almost without any fail, unplanned expenses each month that saw me spending 2.8k a month.

Due to donation, overseas travel, dental expenditures. The dental is a killer, will apply for chas card in Aug to help manage this aspect of costs.

Nike

This month was a very free month. My usher job came to a standstill, no work at all. Previously was working three days a week. This should only resume in early March.

So in anticipation, I signed up for more security job. 6 days.

What a luxury to work only 6 days in a month. Abit unfathomable.

Anyway, I decided to buy Nike shares after it plummeted to 6 year low. Bought 15 shares at 69.9.

Hopefully when my friend is free come March, can do more security job with her.

Lost another molar tooth

I lost all my molar tooth on my lower right jaw. Going to need a dental implant later as it would affect my chewing on the right side.

Been losing tooth every 1 or 2 years. Cash outlay is 1500.

Cny 2025

I went to eat reunion dinner at mum's place until night on chu xi. Came back home and played PS5 Ff7 rebirth.

This morning, continued to play Ff7 rebirth until 1.30pm.

Tired playing games.

Can't go out cos having period and mum said not good. So later just go tabao dinner. Life is short. Do what you want in life before the end.

The last cny with LG will always be in my mind - his daughter came over and we watched karate kid. Geoky prepared the Korean food. LG ate his own chix stock.

If we have known he won't last so long, what will I choose to do? This is a question I find myself pondering. Nothing will change no matter what I do, I just got to live life.

More ps5

I broke the piggy bank and bought 2 ps5 games - ff7 rebirth and persona 5 royal.

Was thinking of them for a few weeks. Saw in tampines that the physical disc price cheaper than playstation store. Thought it through and just did it. At most I take up another day of asm work.

Next week will be working Mon and Fri.

Regarding Feb, might see if I got asm slots, if not, maybe reach out to Grace to try F&B.

Sick again

Today for no reason, I started coughing badly in the morning. Before I knew it, I was coughing up alot of phelgm. My nose was also dripping. Wtf I have barely recovered from my 5 Jan bout of flu and now today I was feeling worse. Worst, I have to work for the next 3 days.... Do I have an allergy to work -- cos back when I was working in my previous job (stat board), when I fell ill, my coughing would last more than 3 months. It was no joke and regardless of what medicine I took, it never cured my cough.

Quickly bought a cough mixture and started to take my decongest meds. Feeling abit better now. Skipped erhu today so I can sleep early today.

Last year I was concerned about my kidney (after my annual healthcheck in Mar) and then later on my breast lumps (in Oct). The first health scare were what triggered me to throw in the towel. I have enough - insomnia, bad temper, bad anxiety daily, no appetite which no matter how much exercise or brainwashing, won't make them go away. I tried learning music instruments but nothing worked. It's all in the mind.

Today the vet came to look at Lily, she is 13 yo this year, Xiaobai 12 yo. Luckily her protein level is back to normal and I will continue to boil eggs for both dogs daily. The topic of which dog dying came up either in my dream or when Elva asked me during tuition. I believed my dream was preparing me mentally that Xiaobai will die first then Lily. Maybe LG wants me to be prepared and not be sad. Xiaobai will be with him :) After that, Lily too. Me too eventually. We will all be reunited again :)

In my dream, I didn't cry when Xiaobai died. I was very cold and collected... as I felt Xiaobai will join hubby in heaven. I remembered many years ago when I was still living in Bukit Panjang, I cried when I suddenly was drying Xiaobai's fur after bathing when the thought of her dying hit me. 

But after hubby's passing, I realised I have learnt to kan de kai le. Nothing was more painful that his passing. The immense void I felt was so overbearing everyday. I cried every night for a long time until I got lao hua. I want to be strong and not shred any more tears when talking about YS so that we can all remember him as he was.

Recently when my colleague at Artscience asked me how I coped with his death, I pondered and realised I just kept busy - went back to work after 1 week. Went to take driving lessons immediately so that I could drive the car. Wrote to Public Trustee to settle his stuff. Every night, I continue to cry. 

Now the pain is not as much, I always tell myself that I will accumulate experiences (no matter good or bad) and I will tell him of my adventures. I will meet him again. I need to accumulate enough merits in this life so that I can go to Tian Jie to meet him there. 

Today a recruiter also contacted me as I applied for the perm admin post that only require me to work 3 days a week. If I get the job, which require me to go through interview, I am thinking how to balance my SO commitments cos I signed up for 4 Fridays and 1 Thurs SO work in Feb. Maybe I would need to discuss with my boss if they ever decide to employ me, that I would work Thurs instead. 

Any way was caught off guard when she asked me why I left my previous job. I told her I needed a career break after doing the same things for 14 years. A change of environment and work to break the cycle. On looking back, I was indeed doing the same things for 14 years - getting data, doing routines, enhance website, enhance internal system, upgrade internal systems just on different scales over the years.

I cannot imagine going back to the same old shit even if the pay is good. I am only earning 10% of what I earned previously but I had no regrets. I think I don't have much time left and I should focus on doing new things and learning new stuff. Whatever I have, I can't bring a cent in my after life.

Life is an adventure and I need to be wary of scams (this point is so off).

What will 2025 bring for me - a new beginning to see a bigger world and not wallow in self-pity. Practise gratefulness every day no matter what circumstances. If I die, I die in comfort cos I have a roof over my head, a warm bed and blanket, a clean toilet to use. No regrets.

PS5

In this past 6 months, I have finished a few games - harvest moon, Valkyrie elpsium, wukong, tales of arise and latest star ocean divine force.

Next game I am eying is FF7 rebirth and metaphor. I saw that they are selling at 100 and 70 respectively. I saw carousel peeps selling Ff7 rebirth at 45, and metaphor at 50. I can save 70 bucks.

Hmm while I mull over it, I continued to apply for flexible part time jobs. It is to not lose the momentum.

4 more workings days as usher till end of Jan. I went to count how much I had earned from ushering - 900 in past 1 month.

I had wanted to find a job that pays me 800 a month. This fits my requirement and I can choose my working days. So shiok.

Next month Feb, likely no more ushering. So therefore I had been applying for jobs. I have 5 SO days. So see when the next adventure brings me to.

Working for the experiences and to open my eyes to the world out there.

LG will be proud of me, I will share my life experiences if I see him in afterlife.

Lazy Sat

Did my usual - shave and file Lily paws. Bathed both dogs.

Completed all by 10am. Then rest abit before heading to opposite to eat cai peng. Yesterday had a very full lunch and dinner at mbs staff canteen.

4 more usher work days for remaining Jan. Have applied a few jobs to see if can get garden by the bay part time job.

Trying to instil discipline to work 3 days a week. Just to get the momentum as I am afraid I would grow lazy.

My income

When I chose this part, to do part time jobs on 3 work day basis, I know what is in store for me.

I started my usher training and official work in mid to late Dec. My income for Dec was 400.

My dividend income is 2k a month. 

For Jan, it will be 900++ cos I am working 11 days. Plus mu one day SO, it would be 1000.

For Feb, my usher job would stop. I signed up for 5 SO days.

Buffet tmr

Been having a sick week since last Sunday.

Tmr will be my 2nd buffet in a long while. I remembered my colleagues treating me to a swensen buffet. They did not have to for my farewell.

Tmr going to one that my ex colleague hh wants. Enjoy and unwind.

Today I went to buy a bag opposite my house. 19 bucks and paid by CDC vouchers. Why not.

My black bag was torn, and I decided to buy one with many pockets. The lady even gave me a pair of black socks, handy for my usher work.

7 more sessions and I won't have usher work anymore until March.

Shall see if there are any SO jobs that I could do in Feb. I could go back to the star vista on alternate Sundays. One day is equal to 2 usher day pay.

March should have usher again.

Another sick week

After my Sunday SO job, I fell ill. Following day went JB with elder sis to do banking and buy labubu. It was fun, though I was not in top condition. We went two malls.

Got 3 labubus, 2 for Y and 1 for G.

I myself bought tales of arise badges, which I intend to use soon. Now dun have the mood to do anything.

Ploughed through my usher work yesterday. 

Hope I could than for today and tmr.

Net worth

Every year I would track my net worth which excludes HDB.

My net worth hit 700k+ after netting my home loan. 

How long did I feel happy? 10 seconds.

I feel blessed to be in this, at the same time, it felt empty. My hubby is no longer around to share the fruits of my labour. Recently felt very empty despite the stuff I do.

I need practise gratefulness for all the things I have now. They could be gone in a jiffy.